The infamous water-into-wine trick

For a backwards community

Beginners:

1.Jimmy up a fermentation jar
2.Add sugar-water (the sweeter the better)
3.Add yeast

Now, magic happens. This can be distilled to make vodka (even more magic)

Advanced tricks:

Blackberry wine
Collect 1.7 kilos of blackberries. This takes ages - I know.
Mash them up in a bucket. Add enough water to reach the 5 litre mark
Cover the bucket and leave somewhere warm for about 3 days.
Strain this into another bucket and add 1.25 kilos of sugar.
Stir, trying to dissolve as much sugar as possible.
Put in a fermentation jar and add $x amount of yeast

Coffee wine (this is a wine that has to be drunk(drank?) warm)
Boil 2.5 litres of water. Put a whole packet of ground coffee into it (225g or so)
Throw in the skin from a large lemon, just for good measure.
Leave this on the heat for a half hour... Make a coffee if you still have any left.
This is probarly going to be more coffee than youve ever seen in one place...
Now, pour this mess into a bucket, and add the juice from the lemon.
Add enough water to make up 4.5 litres of mysterious-liquid
Slowly mix in 1.25kgs of sugar - try to dissolve as much as possible.
Strain this into a fermentation jar and put in a spoon of yeast.
Stand in front of this for a few weeks, watching 5 litres of coffee turn into wine.