inky: Sigs

Here is my sigs file, magically rearranged with the newest items on top.

Last updated: 13 Aug 2008.

BEARTATO, I CAN'T FIGURE OUT PEN
close the door! somebody's analogously eating in here!
I'm giving up the memory of a legendary bowel movement for you
nik> she is my lesbian backup plan
Ebola Cola: Refreshment that devours
aedison> Idea: some sort of business. Step 1: hire an ideas guy.
nostrich> I can't fucking stand intolerable people.
Deeeno> I've seen hentai that is more believable than scientology.
Will my iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?
nosmo> How the fuck do I have have a hangover in my knees
nox> look into his eyes as he hates you into nothingness
I AM *BEST MYSPACE PASSWORD*, THE BEST MYSPACE PASSWORD EVER!
while(!asleep()) sheep++;
Take THAT, people with diabetes!
HOW DO I DRANK DONG?
THIS IS BALD SCIENTOLOGIST, I MUST DOWNLOAD IT
LOLI HAET BACON
/* You are not expected to understand this. */
The Dude abides.
stroan> I'm about as gay as a vagina loving man can get
nosmo> winking like a puckered anus
nosmo> There was no encryption. Only brutal anal rape.
lux> ahh rape, the original ice breaker
fibrosis> no one laughed at my trivialisation of rape ;____;
nox> like a condom for bread
Faero> het hinks we are retarded
nosmo> GRIM AND FROSTBITTEN MILK
johnr> if I see another TLA I'm going to die
Gackto> THE JAVA POWERED INTERNET IS NOW AVAILABLE TO YOU
nosmo> "I don't get it, it must be metal"
faero> if we all get sucked into a black hole, no exams \o/
johnl> Why am I turned on by Unicode?
let's see how long it takes for grandma to be racist
nosmo> No two people are not on fire
bryan> it's a good thing Microsoft isn't in the condom business
stroan> also, no one had better quotedb or sig this conversation...
johnl> every good game has sprites
predacious> his second chin is bigger than my first chin
fibrosis> and my uncle was like "why are you laug
nosmo> WHY ARE YOU LAUG
irokie> oh my, this prolapse is delicious
"Work safe? Go see! It'll be like russian roulette for your job!"
I slept with your wife.
nosmo> Gherkins are god's word made vegetable
That is a very sexist way to talk about these bitches. -Ali G
If you are flammable and have legs, you are NEVER blocking a fire exit.
I'm listening to a band you've never heard of and wouldn't get. -MarkA
keming (n): The result of improper kerning.
This sentence is false.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part. -J Handy
YOU ARE HEADCRAB ZOMBIE
This is a pune or Play on Words.
vertigo_> fuck you.. the only cp i know is a unix command
Vidar> DANGER! IMPENDING BABY!
self> /b/ has its moments, but don't go to /b/ to find them
nosmo> no library is perfect without Sunn o)))
vertigo_> so I should just fire it up and mess around?
Taisetsu na mono protect my balls!
nosmo> Let it go man, I just thought your dog was bong-shaped
fibrosis> you're not even a real Amazonian, you still have two tits
LOOK AT THESE FUCKING PEPPERS
johnl> 22:15, time for the nightly argument.
nstrich> sean paul is an anagram for pale anus
I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.
CRAAAAWLIIIIING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIN
couperc> I bow to your greater knowledge of gay peacocks
I bought an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow shit. -Mitch Hedberg
When I was your age, Pluto was a planet!
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. -Hedberg
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
fibrosis> seriously, why is everything ever so fucking bent
nosmo> REITERATION OF IRC LINE FOR PURPOSES OF HILARIOUS
KGMF> Doctors can slow down time?!
I don't think I'd appreciate time limits on my anal experience -fibrosis
fibrosis> fuck TCD, we're the Chernobyl of fashion
RULE 34: If it exists, there is porn of it.
johnl> Evolution itself is evolving!
I am Lactose, the Intolerant!
The exciteable guy's got a point, Sam... -Max
marka87> I don't know computers :(
unit_01> this channel has taken a seriois hit in intelligence
"killing is bg but fascists are vbg" "but two bgs make a gg"
We're not fucking shooting a load of mongs, sarge! -Superetard
johnl> I guess I was overestimating political maturity again
fibrosis> LADS I DOWNLOADED THIS .TORRENT FILE AND IT WON'T PLAY IN VLC
Faero> you don't need knees for CS
socbot> there's restrictions on free penis night
pio> "A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a"
Laws are like sausages: it's better not to see them being made.
Fredd> I like girls, but I have been known to stick things in my butt.
mu> I used to work in the Department of Redundancy Department
Dude, I invented the friggin iPhone. Have you heard of it? -FSJ
Blogosphere? Seems more like a blogorectangle to me. -Cesium
Munky> Noooo! I want to be the crankiest old man ever!
KBKarma> Silence, or I'll make a vague threat!
How do I hit people?
FUCK YO' COUCH!
It's like riding a bike that you hate. -Paul who is a ghost
We'd love to know why you cancelled your subscription to: being alive
Dyslexics have all the unf.
Real Daleks don't use stairs. They just level the building.
http://www.last.fm/music/Sleep/_/Dopesmoker
TV is the opposite of plumbing: it pumps shit INTO your house
ANkh> what would the command line look like?
Starrah> I give a bad name to bitches everywhere!
Would the owner of an ounce of dignity please contact mall security?
It's *my* head. WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THIS
Munky> It is okay. It's like when retards eat trees.
CEILING-GOVERNMENT IS WATCHING YOU FAP
Pork chop sandwiches! OH SHIT GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
fibrosis> my bedroom currently has no floor. Is this awesome? [y/n]
Faero> I refuse to log in as root while drunk
kiffer> Question 2: what happened to question 1?
This won't run on my computer! I should probably upgrade my UNIVAC...
bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
AVOID BIG PINK POODLES
NO LAUGHING AT MY GENITALS
irokie> dammit CDDB, hurry the fuck up, i need to poop!
Drone singers DO go OOoooooooooooooooooooooo... Sometimes. -Munky
Think of a will as a program that you can only test by dying
Rape is not an acceptable substitute for character development, people!
You bet your sweet Ass-percreme.
justinpie> The best part about selling out is that you get money for it.
KingCarl> I HAVE CAPS ON ALL THE TIME AND USE SHIFT FOR LOWER CASE
evilmnky> on a scale of 1 to gay, this rates about a dermo
BEWARE OF THE DOG: He is very sarcastic
The scransoms above your head are now ready to flange.
It's like being sexually attracted in reverse...
"I think Chuckles would know that." "Probably! He is rhetorical!"
In Soviet Russia, planet hacks YOU.
TomCo> Its all /me /me /me
socbot> :P i was looking at meatspin in LG12 a lot...
nosmo> This just in! Things in death metal can be silly!
Seriously Science, let's invent teleportation already.
Quadrosexagesimal is the sexiest number system
SKEET SKEET SKEET
dnos umop-apisdn
Squdgy fez, blank jimp crwth vox!
I may be a pretty sad case, but I don't write jokes in base 13!
Starrah> The internet is full of cuddly people.
"We are always good friends and I love blueberry always tprever"
kiffer> 5 emos in a square room...
That's comedy, Prof. It's beyond the reach of your precious "science".
Being awesome is exhausting. -Sancho
FOLLOW THE SMOKE TOWARD THE RIFF FILLED LAND
DROP OUT OF LIFE WITH BONG IN HAND
To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
A blonde asked a barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.
Dude, you look gaytarded
♫ METAL BY NUMBERS / COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE ♫
They speak the English as she is goodly spocken.
Starrah> IRC drinking is not drinking alone!
marka> Nothing gay about guy love
johnl> i forgot the olol
I LIKE IT! YEAH! THROW AWAY THE KEY! I'M IN JAIL!
HI! I'M IN JAIL! SAY HI TO MOM... FROM JAIL!
I'M IN JAIL! I LIKE IT HERE... IT'S NICE!
HI DAD... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'M IN JAIL!
HI DAD... I'M CALLING YOU FROM JAIL!
HELLO DAD... I'M IN JAIL!
It is can be how do I created ultimate meme time now please? -Munky
johnl> MOOD LIGHTING DOES NOT A GHETTO MAKE
Sedulously eschew obfuscatory hyperverbosity and prolixity.
If you die in Canada, you die in REAL LIFE
MarkA> they're called the bee-gees for a reason
Support your local crazy person! -John Campbell
RUN LIKE THE LITTLE BASTARD YOU ARE
nosmo> PENISES DO NOT GO INTO NIPPLES, EVEN IN HENTAI
REAL PIRATES ARE SATISFIED WITH ONE EXCLAMATION POINT.
REAL PIRATES DON'T SEARCH FOR NEW WAYS TO SPELL "WARES".
stroan> Only your spagetti limbed messiah can save you now
Stave it off, one two three... And now you can count to three!
nosmo> Fibrosisified (Rathen to the Gore)
stroan> there aren't semi-colons big enough to express my pain
hayzeus> all problems in life can be solved with more ram
werdz> his name is an anagram for IAMAWOLFANDWANTTOEATINKY
notpat> I R STELTEY
johnl> gg music
static char *dong = "one-eyed wonder worm";
Faero> no eiffel program is fast enough to finish in under 1 second
You wanted an argument? Oh, sorry, this is abuse. You want room 12A...
09-F9-11-02-9D-74-E3-5B-D8-41-56-C5-63-56-88-C0
My personal favourite vegetable, o' course, is ketchup. -Natalie Dee
snappieT> caveman might rape me if i lol
fibrosis> yore ma loves a bit of the aul analogy
Starrah> Stupid ground. Be more like furniture!
/(bb|[^b]{2})/
Stereo> you need to be able to accept STDs before you can start using C
Munky> That is not MY fadhb.
People is sometimes kind. -Utahraptor
You are obstacle! - T-Rex
I'm solo strong! - T-Rex
socbot> i want to be socially inept.
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music. Thou shalt not make...
If you think you understand, you're just looking at it wrong.
s/(\bsweet)[- ]+(ass)\s+(\w)/$1 $2-$3/i
God is real, unless declared integer.
oh god how did this get here I am not good with computer
nosmo> the 80's was a horrible time to be a saxophone
irokie: The advantage of making up your own words is quorfictal.
THE TRUTH IN UPPERCASE IS STILL THE TRUTH
Everybody stand back: I know regular expressions!
I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
;o
Wouldn't you be screwed if you couldn't spell 'Google'?
HULAGHULAHLAG
Xray vision and hole-punching your eyelids are not the same thing
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
fibrosis: I'll kill you with gay rage!
He looks like someone rammed the eiffel tower up his penis.
They're there in their room.
fibrosis> /j #aroom plz
brazil> real CS students can work computers with their minds
Antic-Hay changed the topic of # to: SOEMOJFNE FUCKIGNG OAPE ME
Any speeling mistakes or grimar erors are intential, life wit it.
My card is motherfucker don't make me come out the vase
Solid as a rock and proud as a peacock, appalachian is HOT HOT HOT!
snappieT: ...But that implies I have AIDS!
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. But I won't say it now.
Eth> Imagine the same question, but with poop instead of ass
fibrosis> welcome to default music taste land
fibrosis> it's free, in fact, it's free
Upsidedown-Crossly Sacrificing the Winterdemon of Svalnecrograth!
Invertedly Julienning upon the Perpetual Sathani of Nordtrondenborgir!
Perpetual and Norwegian Demon of the Deathgoat!
Darkly Shaving the Necrotobogganist of Xzfgiiizmtsath!
Necrorectal and Chilly Necrocarcass of the Necrodemon!
Unholy and Norwegian Angel Of Death Skiing!
morner> your drive for non-irritation is irritating me
morner> people who live in glass houses ought to grow tomatoes
pat> I lcuahg, you lcuahg, he lcuahgs, she lcuahg...
Munky> JORD-MUND-GAND! Do do do do do doo doo.
Antic-Hay> are we not still in the 60's
fibrosis> I'm not going to go "this is shit, listen to my failure"
♫ Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing! ♫
It's in the key of S. Write that down.
Faero> STOP STEALING MY MEME
One does not simply shut the fuck up about Mordor
AngelKat> deop me for a sex
nosmo> ZERO DOES NOT EQUAL ZERO IN CS
POWER: One of the few things in life that's nicer than toast
Imhotep is invisible.
5 and 3 are equal to EIGHT! Adding up numbers makes YOU feel GREAT!
2 plus 5 is equal to SEVEN! Add four more and you get ELEVEN!
12 plus 10 is twenty-TWO! Carrying the one is easy to DO!
9 plus 0 is equal to NINE! Even adding nothing is adding just FINE!
7 plus 8... equal FIF-TEEN! Adding up numbers is very up-lif-TING!
12 plus 9 is twenty-ONE! Adding up numbers is ve-ry FUN!
I am not always right, but I am never wrong. -Samuel Goldwyn
There must be a meteorite hit the line
pat> 20 years ago, something grew inside your mother.
I'm a tar, yes - on a mailbag I gab, Liam - a nosey rat am I!
Children! It's cow time, come come! Time for cows!
Get your picture taken with FUCKING ANGELS!
fibrosis> Jamaican me uneasy with these puns. I Canada stop
Take a nap, THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES!
I am le tired
Eth> I wouldn't mind a gay manic depressive husband
That's what SHE said.
That's what YOUR FACE said.
I shot a man in Reno, with a twenty-sided die.
I shot a man in Reno, but the photo had red eye.
I shot a man in Reno, for publishing hentai.
DUMB MAKE BRAIN ANGRY!
machine. I accidentally created a time
Got in a fight; Triangle wins.
Meteor coming! Run! Wait, false alarm.
He was so ugly, everybody died.
Giant squid found. What happens now?
You survived. I didn't. Who's narrating?
"What about your date?" "I left her with the toaster."
"They never HAD dragons." "Who didn't?" "The WORLD!"
Come on guys, I don't wanna encourage any kinda dr— okay, I'll do it!
Enjoy our tasty Hammer Smashed Face! Aisle three.
Don't forget our special sale on Every Bone Broken Chicken!
Price check! Cleanup aisle six! Rotted Body Landslide!
That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life. High five!
This is, I believes, called food libraries.
Blacker than the blackest black... times infinity!
We are here to make coffee metal. We will make everything metal.
All of our chefs, he has died a horrible death.
Many years ago something grew inside your mother. That thing was YOU!
Pickles the Drummer, Doodily Doo, Ding-Dong Doodily Doodily Doo
Prepare for ultimate flavour, you're gonna get some... now!
9 Out of 10 Dentists Have Told Me I'm Ugly
I Think Feces Is Not As Good As Pie
Thx Tom. Ur a lejind.
Dakota Fanning is an albino Jack O'Lantern.
Are Canadians real?
Antic-Hay> I don't think a big binary file makes a compelling read
fibrosis> Merry Day changed to 01 Jan 2007 or whatever
* Antic-Hay compares the spam in his gmail inbox to skinny puppy lyrics
Rumour has it that WOTH don't go to mass
pat> OMG now I can make my own internets
Backwards written is sentence this.
Thit sentence is not self-referential because 'thit' is not a word.
This sentence no verb.
Which question is also its own answer?
fibrosis> how are your gigabytes?
You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten. -Schulz
15:16 fibrosis> in b4 15:17
Antic-Hay> It's like a Sunn O))) concert outside
fibrosis> I keep thinking Metallica wrote psychology papers
nosmo> I don't spend my days hitting f5 fibrosis> it's called RSS
Faero> I am dry as a granny's teat
nosmo> Heroin is supposed to kill musicians before they get shit
My hobbies are dropping like flies!
unit_01> i have a windows
They've locked down their fortress! ... With locks!
UML is like pseudo code. with less Vinny and more wank -nosmo
Take off every 'zig' !! You know what you doing.
What you say !!
the tuning is metal if the 6th string flaps like a wet fart -fibrosis
Alphabet of Manliness: So manly, even its sentences don't have periods
(*) Eth must go to for be teached things Eth> English, ironically
Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
This is the first time I've heard penis used as a verb -Inky
KBKarma> I was just reaching down at irregular intervals.
socbot> I sacrifice goats to satan
estilos> is marka a turtle?
Your mother was a little airborne; she's still good, she's still good!
(*) Inky dodges Paul's meatspin attempt
* @darklyndsea claws bizarre's eyes out <@Bizarre> (
<[j0n0]> games dont make people violent, lag does.
* nosmo grimaces and plays guitar that sounds like cheese being ground
Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls.
A Moose once bit my sister...
C:\DARTHVADER said to C:\DARTHVADER\LUKESKYWALKER, "I am your folder!"
MysticJin> In Commonwealth of Australia, stingrays stab YOU!!
If you can make out the lyrics, it's not music. -Munky
nacho> The intarsea is a series of planks.
HAPPINESS IS MANDATORY! SECRETS ARE TREASON!
Eth> And also, I'd do Tim Curry as a tranny
No comments from the recently deceased, thank you.
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
nacho> FIST the rainbow!
BORAT IS WRONG! WE HAVE WAY MUCH CULTURE!
COME OUR ONLINE WORLDWEB INTERNET STORE! NICE!
The surf on the rocks, Gentle rain falls on cedars, I will fuck you raw.
Microsoft: You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips.
nacho> Shhh, I'm making out with an operating system.
MAXIMUM VOLUME YIELDS MAXIMUM GOATSE
MAXIMUM VOLUME YIELDS MAXIMUM GOATS
MAXIMUM VOLUME YIELDS MAXIMUM RESULTS
freezie> Straight girls like boobies too, you know.
Munky> Alone at home drinking is the best kind.
nacho> Kleenex monitors this channel to know when its stock will go up.
poxy> I come from a world of xena and marbles
Felix> She doing ok, crazy-wise?
BAKE NOW INSIDE FOR THE RIGHT TO GAY!
KAZOO GHETTO WANK!
Jumpers for goalposts. Isn't it? Mmmmm. Marvellous.
I am here to ride bike!!
This is a model of a model of iron, modelled in iron.
mark> Never heard of him tbh, and generally, that means the artist sucks
How the fuck did you pronounce a forward slash?!
nosmo> MELT DOWN YOUR HEARTS OF IRON AND MAKE SAFETY RAILS OF THEM
"I didn't think ninjas had super strength." "He's a doctor too!"
kev> vinny touches me in ways the dictionary doesn't allow
KBKarma> Would you like your netris blocks identified? [yn or ?]
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity. -"Make The Pie Higher"
brazil> I'm not some sort of command line
Pax> I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.
kevinly> leave my newts out of this
Faero> I seem to have a lot of experience with removing cocks from stuff
I hear singing! Bum is near! -Nosmo
nosmo> "I lost my jacket" "Time for some forced sex"
%nosmo> kevinly: I'm just angry because my penis is so small
Be a corpse! A DEAD CORPSE!
Metallica loves you!
it aint easy bein this goth ya know. -"uberxgoth"
My hair is an expression of my pain inside. -"emogirl"
I feel sorry for your little brain, all alone in that big fat head.
"Oh, you smell GOOD. What is that?" "Macintosh."
fibrosis> this lecture would be better with guitars
Hello, Pete Doherty. Edison say, ALL OF TIME thinks you are wankstain.
Edison would be more comfortable if you put your penis away, yes.
Edison has been naked from the waist down this entire time.
Edison is so hot right now.
World Wide Intar Wub is for pictures of cats. Edison hate future.
In future, all messages are on thing called World Wide Intar Wub.
Write that down in your copybooks now.
Water, water, what hast thou donst?
Bless you, ants. Blants.
Thanks, ants. Thants.
1: Jesus dies. 2: Jesus comes back to life. 3: ??? 4: Chocolate.
I can't hear you, I'm sifting through porn. -nosmo
I keep an Avril Lavigne song on my mp3 player just so I can get angry.
Imaginary friends are never there when you really need them.
FOOLS! I am Fluffy... Destroyer of worlds!
Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.
Today is the tomorrow I was trying not to think about yesterday.
Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.
A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead.
There's too much blood in my sugar system!
Artifical intelligence is nothing compared to natural stupidity.
The understandtion is not in his head. -KBKarma
Engrish: It might be that battery is used up. Replace a new one please.
Engrish: There will be light on while comes a telephone call.
I couldn't stand the smell. It draws blisters on a monkey!
So I drank their beer and stole their condoms... -Nosmo
Why is he naked all of a sudden? -Faero
Why are you wearing clothes? -Faero
I'm pregnant with anger! -Nosmo
coghlan: sorry i'm taking you once more with feet. -Markov
prepare for your new study of pancakes. -Markov
eagles may soar, but i am saying gaaarg! -Markov
random insanity is jamming along to eat them! -Markov
prepare to meet your beltseats. we are my winter coat! -Markov
be alive, or a wife and his gun somehow! -Markov
who tastes dog food when i could eat them! -Markov
fibrosis> I had no guitar to hand for the solo so I played my dog
Deep down inside, what he really wanted to do was make things go splat.
I wouldn't give it to a dog, and I am one. -Gaspode the Wonder Dog
Things never get better. They just stay the same, only more so. -T.P.
"Yes, bugger all that." said Nanny. "Let's curse somebody."
I don't sign parts of the body, even if they're still attached. -T.P.
Prove me wrong! Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care. -T.P.
I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I'm me. -T.P.
I is more stronger than Darth Vapour. Obey me, I is your new dictator!
Prepare for downcount! 5... 4... 3... 1... OFF BLAST!
The textbook is absolutely right ... well actually, not really. -Coghlan
ebon> sometimes I wonder if your "lo suchandsuch" is a script
Don't get too ecstatic. It's on fucking TV! -Dani Filth
C'mon, fucking Holland — this isn't fucking Duran Duran! -Dani Filth
fibrosis> NUALLAIN SMASH Faero^> he should be in tekken
nosmo> don't you Ellipsis me
"Why do people always pick on blonds were not dum" -Anonymous
I used to smoke weed. . . . I still smoke weed, but I used to, too.
Rice is great if you're hungry and want to eat 2,000 of something.
Izzard: If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.
Awww... I wanted to explode.
You dare agree with me? Prepare to meet your horrible doom!
The plug thing, it's not plugged!
* @Jaykul[GonCrazy] is jamming along to Winamp not started
Munky: I just assumed it was too stupid and/or 13 to do it properly.
Who DOESN'T want a laptop that doubles as an easybake oven?
Coghlan: Sorry I'm late; I was talking to a man, as they say.
rsynnott> *shudders at thought of the sordid contents of LG12 naked*
rsynnott> the internet needs deleting, I think
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
reilly> stop sigging the same crap over and over
nosmo> I always get cold when I play games naked :(
mark> Words can't describe the gg-ness of that gg
marka> Nothing wrong with the priests...
marka> It averages out to your face
Faero> this is nearly as good as Wong falling asleep balanced on a pen
Faero> I want it... its MICROPORTABLE!
exiztone> None of this java on paper bollocks
eoinmcl> like kids being hit by fridges
ebon> the su shop sells fizzy fizzy good good
Begone. This is not for your brains.
Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -Anonymous
I don't want to be dead! I want to be alive, or a cowboy!
Holy penis, what a scoop!
Egad! A bullet came out of his gun somehow!
Ngh! So angry! Must... crush... newspaper!
Hello? Spider-Man? I am gay! GAY FOR YOU!
Random insanity is a good fish.
"wtf is a palindrome" "no it's not dude"
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
How the hell do those Keep Off The Grass signs get there?
Who tastes dog food when it has a new and improved flavour?
How come we never see the headline, Psychic Wins Lottery?
Once I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
I wasn't sleeping, I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I'm as busy as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Come back! Those are prescription pants!
No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.
When I was five, my uncle was decapitated by a watermelon.
I'm taking you with me, you self-appointed beverage dictator!
Damn! Hell makes a yummy bagel.
Citizens of Mars, surrender or I become giant Wilford Brimley.
You deny me freshmaker?
Be free, little pop-tart.
Garg! I am saying Gaaarg!
Repent! Repent! Floss often!
Quit being creative and memorize information like a zombie.
Oh my God! Somebody put shit in my pants!