A “Dear PHP” Letter
Dear PHP,
We’ve only known each other for a few months. I didn’t think it could ever work out, we were forced together by a work-mate and things were so awkward at first. But you made things easy for me, you guided me through GETs, POSTs and things beyond. You even decided to spice things up to make up when you couldn’t do things I wanted!
You introduced me to your friend Javascript and we even started doing AJAX together! I was so excited! Everything was changing so quickly. But I could never shake a few things…
You were never really very good with dates… I didn’t mind it the first few times. But when I used strptime and you turned up 1900 years early I found it hard to feel guilty for your mistake… I tried to help you by storing the date and time with you over sessions but you said time was built-in, which I assumed was some kind of philosophical dalliance. I didn’t understand what you meant by it being “unserialisable” either…
You had trouble with names too… I’m no good with them myself I must admit. But confusion can be worse than omission sometimes. I said that if my aunt Mabel was there you were to talk to her about cats. But you then spent the next few weeks talking to every person named Mabel about cats… This was quite disconcerting at my cousin Mabel’s christening.
And so, my dearest PHP, I’m sticking with you until I leave work. I need to leave a good impression with my employers and co-workers. But once I’m gone, I’m moving back in with your supermodel sister Python.
I’ll never forget you and as I take Python across the world engaging in all kinds of deviant acts and incredible feats, I’ll look back and spit on a picture of you.
Love,
Hugh
